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In Defense of Racists?

September 23, 2016

Last week and part of this week was vacation; my first ever all by myself drive to and from Sudbury to the Sault to visit with family and friends. It was spectacular in that it was perfectly ordinary; coffee with one friend, lunch with another, hitting Pokestops downtown one night and a sleepover at camp another. It feels like I took a million pictures but it was more like 300-foxes at breakfast, a selfie with my neice, storm clouds and a rainbow while on a walk with mom, exposed rock bluffs and the marbled ancient shoreline of my favourite lake. If you're interested an album will be up on the Facebook page soon.

The serenity of my vacation was ruined by Canadian Soldiers of Odin and straight up old fashioned racism. Watching the news in the evening with my dad was challenging to say the least. He's in his 60s and holds conservative ideas and values; I learned that Hillary Clinton is a lying bitch about Benghazi but at least he also thinks that Trump is a sociopath. We can't let in any more refugees because they're dangerous (I wont repeat what he said here but it stunned me) thanks to the news out of Manhattan and New Jersey. Also, the Soldiers of Odin have set up a chapter in the Sault and are trying to start one in Sudbury, and I just can't even because a FB friend of mine is all for that, and I bet a few other people are as well but haven't said so YET. Sure they're doing food drives and picking up needles and, in some cities, patrolling the streets at night as a neighbourhood watch group, but despite ALL the Canadian chapters so far vehemently stating they're not like the extreme anti-immigrant group in Finland, that they're not racist, just good citizens who want to Do Something, I'm not convinced. 

I spent a couple of hours combing the Sault's FB page and found this manifesto written by one of the admins. Here's a small excerpt:

     "What I fight against is the injustice done to Canadians who are forced to change their way of life to accomodate people who immigrate here. I fight against the basic upheaval of our culture and beliefs under the guise of "tolerance" or "political correctness". I see the Canada I grew up in changing every day and not for better. I almost can't recognize the country of my youth where I was free to say "Merry Christmas" without the fear of someone taking offense to my sincere well wishes. Where we accepted those of other cultures openly and freely but we did not allow them to change who we are on a fundemental level as we are today. Would you come as a guest into my home and then demand that I allow you to wear shoes where we do not and tread mud on my floor? This is what is being done to Canada. This is the threat to our way of life. Please, come to my country, enjoy the same quality of life that I enjoy. But don't ask us to change the rules of our house to make you more comfortable."

The two admins public Facebook posts also have racist memes and similar comments. I'm having a bad attack of NIMBY: Not In My Back Yard. It's one thing to be aware of the racism and small-minded conservative thinking in my hometown, it's another thing to see it walking around out in the open wearing a leather jacket. Soldiers of Odin isn't anti-immigrant or racist? Sure, you keep telling yourself that. By deliberately choosing to start a chapter of SOO they've chosen to take on all the garbage associated with them.

On the other hand, they did go out the other night and pick up a shit-ton of dirty needles in a bad part of town. They actually ARE doing food drives and helping out. But would I say the same if they were the KKK and I lived in Alabama? If I wasn't a white chick who grew up here? Or is the extremism not bad enough? Where do I draw the line to say "Fuck the good people?" People like my dad who have spent 30 years doing volunteer work with Search and Rescue, helping out friends and family alike with home improvement projects, and doesn't buy Christmas presents but donates to the Sault Star Santa Fund instead? Is he my enemy? He's definitely the kind of guy on Twitter I'd take apart for his racism. If he showed up in my FB feed arguing that the SOO group in the Sault was a Good Thing and why the heck does the name matter so damn much? I'd feed him logic until his head explodes.

But he's my dad.

The Soldiers of Odin have done something here in Canada that noone else has been able to do before; give a legitimate face to the anti-immigrant, right wing conservative racism that's been lurking at the edges for a while now. It's one thing to laugh at the good ol' boys in the rural areas with their quads, beer, guns, and their backwards thinking. It's entirely different when those people put on a uniform, declare they're a part of a unified front, and start patrolling the streets. And I worry that if dad was 30 years younger, he'd join them.



Back to the Future?

September 14, 2016

The poplar across the street has leaves as bright yellow as miniature suns; they remind me of the fabled trees of Lothlorien. I noticed a few peeking out a couple of weeks ago and may have cringed a bit. Ryan laughed and said "Why are you always surprised to see the leaves changing at the end of August? Every year you're caught off guard." In part it's because while I'm always actively on the search for signs of Spring in February, I'm denying the change to Fall in late August/September. Ryan loves fall; the cooler days and crisp nights, the gorgeous fall colours on the trees in our area (Northern Ontario puts on quite a display!) and back to school for the kids.

This is Kat's first year of school while Gabe is a pro headed into grade 5. The bus picks them up at the end of the driveway and drops them off the same; the girl next door is babysitting for us on days we're not home soon enough (which is most of them) so we don't have to futz around with the after-school program or anything. Both kids had excellent first days, though they were nervous about making friends and finding their way around. Katherine is 'sweet and adorable' according to the agenda I get, and Gabe's teacher told Nana that he's quite stubborn but bright. They're both off to a great start and I couldn't be happier.

This is a big change for me as last year there was a lot of taking the kids across town on city buses; my mornings are my own again and it's amazing. I have time to tidy and read or write, get my head in order before going to work. If this is what the rest of the year is going to be like, I'm 100% ok with this. Before I was a parent I had no idea how much work parenting was, how organized you have to be, how on top of everything. I struggle every day to feel like I've done My Best and done Enough to make sure the kids are ready to face the next day, nevermind the rest of their lives. Already, after only a few days, having the mornings back has helped me center and focus on what's important; being prepared and having a routine we can trust. This is next level Adulting for sure.

Monument Valley is Mesmerizing

September 9, 2016

A couple of months ago, while staring down another end of month without much data left on my phone (Thanks Twitter and PokemonGo!) I went looking for a quick puzzle game for on the bus or lunch break. After passing over a dozen or more Candy-Crush wannabes I settled on Monument Valley by Ustwo games. The art in the screenshots drew me in, and once I got started on the first level, I found the music incredibly soothing. This is important because I'm TERRIBLE at puzzles, and I have a hard time with visualizing anything in 3D.

Monument Valley is a game where you need to navigate Ida, a lost/rejected princess, through a series of mazes that are also impossible objects. By tapping the screen you can move her from place to place, and different mechanics are available to swipe vertically or horizontally to open up new areas. Below is a screenshot I took directly from the game.

Ida is your girl in white with the cap, while the man in blue is some kind of spirit from the lost kingdom she's exploring, and I think ruined. It's not made 100% clear but that's ok; I wasn't playing it for the story this time. Normally I'm a story hound but for Monument Valley I wanted to try and learn the mechanics. It took me probably a month of on and off playing to finally work my way through the game, and the last level took more than one day to solve. It was deeply satisfying to complete the game itself even though I was left wondering about the story. Maybe Ustwo will make a sequel?

Overall I'd give this game an 8/10. The only quibble I had was it needs to be longer, and the story expanded. 10/10 for music and graphic design. I go back to it over and over just to listen to it and play around in the world.


Google Alert! Shields At Maximum

September 8, 2016

Back at the beginning of July I set up a series of Google alerts to do a bit of an experiment; if I was actually looking for it, how much bad news could I get in a month? I set the search criteria as follows on July 9th, with the results:

  • Approximately 90 total alerts, 3 per day for each category of woman murdered, indigenous killed and child killed.
  • Each alert contains anywhere from 1 to 12 or more stories depending on the day.
  • As of today, September 7th, I have nearly 300 unread alerts.

If I was looking for shit to get mad about, it wouldn't take a lot of effort. Stories from around the globe abound of women that are murdered by their partners or family members, indigenous people die or go missing and the blatant racism that follows (or directly contributed to their deaths) doesn't surprise me, but does sicken me, and kids die in droves through accident and abuse. IF I was looking for things to get mad about, y'know, as a feminist or a Social Justice Warrior, or a femdamentalist, I could easily Hulk out every day.

But I don't go looking. I ignored all the alerts until tonight's writing; shields to maximum I waded into the fray and thankfully I didn't feel most of it scrape against me too hard. My broken edges sting sometimes. Tears often spring into my eyes in the early morning when something particularly sad comes into my feeds. It's too easy to find things to be mad about because there are so many of them. I could literally spend the rest of my life doing literally nothing but write about the feeds I've set up, analyzing the crimes, showing people the patterns, yelling from the rooftops CAN YOU SEE IT NOW?

But I don't. I can't. A person can't live like that. I'd quickly burn out, and ignoring my family like that wouldn't be a good idea either. They deserve a wife and mom who's present, who can laugh and joke around, who has energy for them, too. These days I blog and tweet less as I have less energy for things outside my immediate sphere; family and work come first, but when I get the chance I let my passion burn.

Fuck Cancer

August 4, 2016

Hi everyone! A good news post: I beat cancer. When I had my thyroid removed last month the doctor also removed two tumors; a large benign one from the right side and a smaller, malignant one from the left. The benign tumor was huge, like 80 grams in weight. That's ridiculous and explains why my scar is so large as well. So huzzah! I'm relieved, my family is relieved and I can start looking forward to the future again without having to worry about chemotherapy or radiation treatments. The treatment for thyroid cancer is to remove the thyroid, and I've already done that, AND as a bonus thyroid cancer generally doesn't spread. It doesn't really have anywhere to go.

Thanks to everyone who's left supportive comments here and on the Facebook page. I appreciate it a lot. In non-cancer/health related things I have a post brewing about PokemonGo, and another about mobile game I've been playing, Monument Valley, kids going to school this fall, Kat's upcoming 4th birthday and possibly more! For now I update more regularly on Facebook at Fat and Not Afraid.

Ain't No Party Like a Dwarf Party

July 9, 2016


Last night was Ryan's last night in the Sault for a while and unbeknownst to him I had a little surprise planned; a night of table top roleplaying with some of our friends! Unfortunately with the surgery and kid wrangling I had an idea but no energy or time to make an adventure, nevermind create a set of premade characters. Thankfully I have this really great friend who is always chock full of amazing ideas and has the know-how to make them happen! When I approached Nathan to build me a one-shot campaign he was happy to do it and from a couple of simple questions he created an 11 page PDF file for a Pathfinder RPG adventure, complete with four fully finished PCs, baddies and a map, in well under a week. A million thank yous to him; everyone had a GREAT time.

  The story began in birthday fashion, with Rammet Granitefist, level 4 dwarven monk, partying it up with several dozen of his closest dwarven friends and family when suddenly the ale and wench of honour are stolen by a band of Dreadtooth orcs! Desiring revenge against Rammet for the defeat and death of their father, the four Dreadtooth orcs crashed the party and disappeared into a partially built and wholly abandoned building nearby. This kind of insult couldn't be allowed to pass, plus they were out of booze, so Rammet, Slag Onyxhammer the Slammer (sledgehammer wielding fighter), Stave Slatebeard the Sly Sorceror and Listende Quartzdagger the Nimble set gamely off with a crowd of drunken countrymen to cheer them on.

The front entrance to what might have been a beautifully constructed dwarven home held a quartet of Orcish attack dogs but once the group got a few rolls under their belts (and I put my own d20 away because it crit-attacked Ryan twice) they dispatched the ugly beasts handily. The next room was a large foyer but had been marred by a deep sinkhole; only some boards stretched along the sides and across the gap to afford passage. Rammet simply slid down the side and landed safely, thanks to his monkish training, and immediately started looking for rope. fight scene

Ryan has always been a HUGE fan of Jackie Chan and kung fu movies, and Nathan asked me what his favourite class was, so the dungeon and character were specifically designed so that Ryan would have many chances to shine. This was only the first. Finding some slimy rope and a busted shovel, he quickly created a way up the far side and waited for the party to join him. Overhead, Listende and Stave moved nimbly over the boards but poor Slag knew a single footstep would send him plunging painfully down into the muck so he simply sat on his bottom and rolled down to a mostly safe stop. 

Listende wasn't content leaving a single door unopened so she continued across another set of boards and picked the lock on a well constructed wooden door; peering inside she discovered a well appointed boudoir. Orcish portraits hung on the walls, beautifully painted vases sat on pedestals, even a piano graced the room though how the orcs got it in there was anyone's guess! Rammet joined her while Slag made his very slow and hilarious way to the top of the rope Rammet had thrown into a southern hallway. Stave was undecided and remained where he was. 

Upon entering the boudoir fully, a most beautiful Orc rose from the chaise in the center of the room where he had been reclining. This Orc was too gorgeous for words and for a moment the party was reluctant to attack. However, he rose from his chaise yelled "Prepare to die, dirtbeards!" and attacked. Rammet was not caught off guard and overcame his desire not to mar that perfect face with a far stronger Dwarven desire to absolutely mess that pretty face and threw a vase at it. Listende maneuvered into position for a serious sneak attack while the first of the four Dreadtooth brothers slapped Rammet a sickening blow across the face. He retaliated by wrapping the smelly, slimy rope he'd found in the bottom of the sinkhole around the Orc and falling backwards into said hole; the tied up Orc fell in and broke his neck.

From across the way, Stave and Slagg watched him fall and gave a cheer, Slag finishing up urinating down into the hole he'd just finished climbing out of. "Take that, ya stupid hole!" A hop, skip and more climbing later, the two Dwarves joined Rammet and Listende in the boudoir where they found a magical mirror holding Rammet's buxom wench hostage. Unable to decipher her motions and warned against breaking the mirror, the party continued into a northern passage. A not too subtle pit trap was easily discovered and the piano from the ajoining room was quickly dropped in to cover the disease ridden spikes at the bottom. The noise from the ridiculously loud crash, however, grabbed the attention of some Orcs in the next room over, and a chant went up from what sounded like hundreds of throats.

Mere seconds later the door separating the party from the horde burst open and the grunts of the Dreadtooth clanned attempted to pour out into the narrow hallway. Hampered by the doorway and all their badass Mad Max-esque gear, they gave Stave a nice clear shot for a widely spraying acid attack. Momentarily stalled, Slag leapt into the fray and did what he does best; he clove through the lesser Orcs as a thresher at harvest time, though with far messier results thanks to his sledgehammer. After his assault the few remaining Orcs turned and fled, screaming that another of the Dreadtooth brothers had arrived. The party was then faced by two bad-ass looking Orc elite guards and ... Chicken Boo.

For those of you unfamiliar with the 90s cartoon Animaniacs, I present the following:

Rammet and Listende made their will saves and the chicken was summarily thrown out of the dungeon by his own guards.

After that, an exploding barrel trap and some chit-chitty-chat-chat with the eldest Dreadtooth brother, Earl, the final battle began in earnest. Rammet was challenged to single, barehanded combat and eagerly accepted, using his monkish training and Jackie Chan tendancies to quickly overwhelm his opponent with the steel rings of the exploded barrel, the rope and sticks and his own hands and feet. Earl fought to the best of his ability but even his hidden archers couldn't stop the Dwarves from decimating their foe.

We ran out of time at that point and decided to call it a night, having had a lot of laughs and giving Ryan a memorable birthday night. Thanks again to everyone who made it out and especially to Nathan for all his hard work.

Before and After

July 5, 2016

Another chapter in the life of Jen has come to close and another one has begun; this has happened before. Before and After I Moved Out, Before and After Gabe, Before and After Nanaimo/BC, Before and After Living w my Inlaws, and now Before and After Having my Thyroid Out.

Surgery was last Wednesday and despite a slightly late start went about as well as can be expected. I was awake and not-sore enough to have some company that night from Ryan and the kids, my aunt (who was also a nurse on my floor) and my sister and neice. The less said of the night spent at the hospital after that the better; who can be expected to rest and recuperate when you have a nurse coming in every 2-4 hours to check your vitals or a 6:30am blood test? Still, I shouldn't see any bills so I can't really complain. Yay Canadian healthcare!

I've been started on a calcium supplement, a synthetic thyroid replacement and a third one that, from what I understand, boosts both of those things. My follow up appointment with the endocronologist is Thursday and then it's back to Sudbury on the weekend (with Gabe, finally!) and go from there. After a lifetime of being Healthy I now face the very real threat of not being able to live well or long without these medications. It is a very strange feeling. I forgot one dose of my calcium one night and woke up the next morning with tingly face, hands and arms. Despite taking all of the rest of my meds on time for the remainder of the day I still felt out of sorts and tingly for hours. In case of Zombie Apocalypse, I don't think I'm going to make it any more.

After Having My Thyroid Out is also a time for scarves. I had two ready to go and my mom in law gave me another one; now I have blue and white, pink and silver, and purple and silver. The scar along my neck looks pretty grisly even with steri-tape hiding half of it, and it's a lot longer than I was expecting. I'm not used to wearing scars where people can see them and my throat is numb in a very wide area as well. For the next little while I'll be covering up; even Katherine prefers it and I'm sure I'll get tired explaining to people what happened. Though my dad suggested that I make up a nice story, or just say "He lost." and smile.

In any case, now we're in the After part of another chapter and it's time for adjusting, processing and adapting. At Thursday's appointment we find out what exactly I had taken out of my throat-hopefully not cancer but we'll see. I've heard from a few people, nurses and a friend's mom, that compared to other types of cancer, thyroid is one of the easiest to beat because it doesn't spread. So yay? I guess? Then again, if I took my thyroid out for nothing I'm going to be a bit pissed to be on meds for the rest of my life for no good reason. It was a perfectly good organ that was taking care of me and now it's gone. I'm already finding my appetite is non-existant and that even missing one dose of something will throw off my day; there's a lifetime of this ahead? Could be worse I guess.


Standing with Pride

June 12, 2016

Sunday never seems to be a good news day lately; too many shitty things happening overnight at clubs. I went to work today and kept an eye on the news feeds about the Orlando, Florida gay nightclub massacre and was overwhelmed with how supportive so much of what I saw was. Still, it's not enough. I saw a lot of tweets today that hit home, hard; the gay agenda is still just to survive. If after the Sandy Hook elementary school shootings America couldn't change how it dealt with guns and gun violence, there's no hope. The only explanation for what happened today was not enough thoughts and prayers after the LAST mass shooting. People in power who speak against the LGBTQ community and also promote the 2nd Amendment are a HUGE part of the problem. Religious extremism is too, from all the big Abrahamic faiths. And on and on.

It's Pride month around the world right now and even the Sault and Subury are having events, though Sud's isn't until July for some weird reason. Across vast nations thousand and thousands of people are marching, dancing and singing to show the world that love is love, you can't hate someone for their own good, and.you can't kill us all. Gay pride started as a protest against lives lost and injured in the Stonewall Riots. It's morphed and evolved over the years into flashy pageantry and a place of politicians to score points with The Gays, but at it's core it's about visibility. We're here! We're Queer! Etc. 

After today's events, with 50+ gay folk gunned down in cold blood at nightclub by someone asshole with an assault rifle, I feel the only thing I can do is take that last little step out of the closet. For most of you this will be no surprise at all; I've been open about my bisexuality with people outside family for a while. I've known I've like both women and men for a long, long time. My first real girl crush was in highschool (of course!) but I've never been able to have a Real Relationship (TM). I settled down with Ryan pretty quickly but that doesn't mean women haven't continued to spark interest over the years. It doesn't mean that I don't care about the LGBTQ community where I live, and abroad. It does mean that I have a ton of privilege that comes from being a bisexual woman who married a man. It means that it's been fairly easy for me to pass as straight, to just coast along and not worry too much about certain things. 

Well, enough of that. Visibility honours the past and preserves the future. It's a step I can take, sure footed and thankfully safe. I'm old enough now I don't have to fear backlash, and it's just time. I don't need to pick a team and being bisexual doesn't make me a cheater or insatiable (in fact my libido runs towards the other end). Next month when Sudbury has their pride parade I'm going to be there as a visible member of the bi community. Enough with the jokes and erasure. Enough with closets. Enough with the tears and the blood and suffering. Enough. 

Sleepy in Sudbury

April 30, 2016

I can't seem to get warm. Have been hit with a 48 hour flu or something after Katherine brought it home from daycare earlier this week. I'm an achy ball of misery but there are things that need doing so today I'm going to take my time and get them done.

The new place in Sudbury is great; the buses run every 15 minutes and I'm a five minute walk from the biggest mall in town so any time I need anything, or I'm just bored, I can wander over that way. Gabe decided to stay in the Soo with his Nana and Poppa (my in-laws) to finish the school year and it's so odd not to have  him around all the time. It's quieter, that's for sure. He's at camp this weekend with my parents and I'm sure when we talk later he'll have amazing stories to tell me of riding on the atv, shooting the .22 and going fishing. 

Ryan's new position finally seems to have all the kinks worked out so that's good too; it was a rough road getting all the new staff in place and trained. It's SO wonderful to be together again; to sleep side by side every night, cuddle on the couch and watch a movie, share the pick ups and drop offs for Kat's new daycare and be able to sit and chat and dream. We're hoping to get to FanExpo again on the Labour Day weekend and do some traveling and camping when we can this summer. Other than that, no big plans.

On the 'what the heck is up with my thyroid?!"front, I had a meeting with a thyroid specialist and he's recommended we take out the whole thing, just to be on the safe side. I'll be going back to the Soo for that sometime in June and will probably need 3-4 days off work. After that they'll poke around and see if it was cancerous. I don't want to think about what comes after that if it was.

There's more but I'm fading fast so I'll just say that I like my new branch and being with my old boss, Shannon, again. Sudbury has been, so far, pretty great.


This Time Is Different

February 19, 2016

So a lot’s been happening behind the scenes here in Canada-land. Ryan’s been working out of town four hours away since mid-November; this isn’t new for me, as I’ve been on my own with the kids before. It’s different this time though. Every instance of us being apart before has seen me off work and us living nice and close to wherever I need to go.

Now we’re apart again and it’s the hardest. We live across town from both the daycare where Kat goes and the school where Gabe goes, and fairly far from my job as well. I couldn’t bear the thought of taking the kids away from their familiar surroundings, not when they were doing so well, and hey, with Ryan’s help shipping them across town every morning it wasn’t too hard. Now I have no car and do it every day by bus. It’s an hour and a half round tip, and then I either go to work for 8 hours or I head home for two, then leave to work until 9 at night. It’s exhausting. I’m exhausted, and so are they and everyone I’ve been leaning on to help with all the nights again. I’ve asked friends, friends of friends, cousins and of course the grandparents every single week      

"Hey, are you available X night(s) to watch the kids for a few hours? I know you already worked all day/had class/did placement and they’re not your kids, but it’d really help me out!" My friend Brian is currently asleep on my couch, having worked all day and then picked my kids up after dinner from my parent's, brought them home, dealt with bedtime for Kat with no blankie and helped Gabe finish his homework.

Thankfully my manager at work is flexible enough that I don’t have to worry about covering mornings right now; nothing earlier than 10am, (as I need time from 20 after 8 to 9:30 to drop the kids off via bus) but at the same time, all the nights are a problem. See above. I may have resolved this but I’m not sure yet. We had a sit down two Fridays ago about it when the new schedule came out and it was literally all late nights but a trio over 3 three weeks, and damn, I thought I was going to lose my mind. They need manager coverage at certain times, I get that, but dammit there are 3 of us. I shouldn’t have to do all the late shifts myself. That’s what I get for being low priority AND unavailable before 10 am. Yes, having kids to take care of is MY problem, and they’re MY priority, but if I hear one person complain about not getting to sleep in I’m going to laugh in their face. Choosing to have kids isn’t the same as choosing to have two jobs or choosing to go out to the bar at night. It’s not the same as choosing to spend the night at your boyfriend’s and come to work unshowered and in the same clothes as the day before. It’s not the same as having a dog you love; you can choose to not have those things. You can choose to stay home or quit a job or kennel your dog during the day with some food and water. I can’t choose not to have my kids. I have to muddle through as best I can, and the best I can isn’t good enough any more. After 3 months of it I’m tired. Bone deep, out of fucks, tired.

So that’s fun. What’s also ‘fun’ is that I found a lump in my neck two months ago and had an ultrasound to get it checked out, and then a biopsy, and Wednesday I finally got to sit down with an endocrinologist and take a look at what the results were. They’re somewhat inconclusive. I have a follicle of undetermined significance aka FLUS aka a giant fucking lump on the right side of my thyroid and they don’t know what it is, exactly, but it’s growing. It grew from 4.1mm in December’s ultrasound to 4.5mm at February’s biopsy.  I could get another biopsy done, which in 50% of cases shows nothing at all, and in 50% of cases shows cancer, or I can just get the thing sliced out and have them take a really good look at it and go on thyroid meds for the rest of my life. I’m more ok with option B than wasting time on another biopsy so I’m waiting now for an appointment with a local surgeon to see if we can make that happen. Do I have cancer? I don't know. It's not looking great though.

After my appointment I called Ryan in Sudbury (so far he hasn’t been able to come to a single one with me) to tell him the sort-of news. I was feeling down about how long I’m going to have to wait just to hear from the surgeon’s office (probably a week) to get an appointment (probably a month after that), and what about if this or that, and maybe Sudbury has better doctors? How often would we have to drive to and from the Soo? It was depressing and I was upset. Tea and chocolate were on the menu for lunch, that’s for sure.

Did I mention we’re moving to Sudbury in April? That’s happening too. Ryan’s finally been offered a full manager position of a really successful store (now that they’ve fired all the thieves and liars) and the money is too good pass up. Maybe I can finally start paying off my student loans! Ryan’s house hunting and I’m transferring stores, Gabe will go to a new school or stay here until the end of this school year (we haven’t figured that part out yet and he’ll have a chance to decide) and Kat will come with us, which also means a new daycare, after school care and all the rest of it. Any wonder I’ve felt run down and also like exploding lately?

I’m nervous, dancing along the edge of scared. I’m lonely and tired and impatient and not as loving towards the kids as I’d like to be. I miss my husband. Thankfully I have the love and support of a lot of people, near and far, to carry me through yet another bump in the road.

So there it is. Update from Canada-land.

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