Fat and Not Afraid

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2 is the Loneliest Number

July 10, 2013

Ryan pointed something out tonight that I was missing and I can't believe I didn't figure it out sooner. Since the move, both from Nanaimo to Victoria area, and especially from down near the pond up here to Langford proper, we've been stepping on each others toes, getting in each others' way and snapping more. It's not just the stress of moving, there is that, but that's not the whole picture. The stress of moving/not moving, new job, new daycare schedule and the rest, is definitely a HUGE part of it, but even that's not the whole picture.

Since moving down to Victoria we've been almost completely cut off from our friends. We used to see them regularly; once a week at the very least for Pathfinder games, and often twice a week for coffee, rituals or just hanging out and watching a movie. Since the first move we've barely spoken; our game didn't fly via Skype and the one ritual I made it up to Nanaimo for was a flop despite the best efforts of the Maiden who threw everything together. It's lonely here. We're both snarling at each other because we need more than the work-based interaction we're getting, more than the every day family things we do, more than our friendship alone can provide, as solid and wonderful as it is.

At Ryan's suggestion I went out for my first run in nearly a month tonight; it was only 20 minutes and at 1 minute intervals (I'm starting the Couch to 5km program over again) just to get out for a while and DO something. I also did it to give Ryan a few minutes of alone time to collect his thoughts and just Be. He rarely gets that, even more rarely than I do now. It's a form of self care that we need to make sure we're participating in, and providing the space for it for each other as we can. Running at a time when he doesn't have to put on his Dad hat is a good place to start, and besides, a run at night means no sun beating me into the pavement.

A good marriage is built on communication, compassion, fun, shared interests, trust and of course, love, but each person also needs the time and space to do their own thing, whatever that might be, and it can't exist in a vaccuum or bubble. We've found ourselves in that position and it's starting to wear us down. A small change, like running again, is a start, but likely it's not going to be enough in the long haul. There needs to be something else, but I don't know what that is. Thanks for listening.

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