It could just be the change of seasons (only 18 days until the celestial turn-around!) or simply burn-out, but I've lost my momentum. After being ON for the last four months, planning and moving and waiting and being disappointed and then getting my hopes up and changing my mind and FOLDING FIFTY FUCKING MILLION SHIRTS I'm just done. Now is the time for hibernation, for the charging of the mental, emotional and physical batteries as best I can despite being separated from Ryan, living at my in-laws for the foreseeable future, getting knocked on my butt by two colds in the last month.
More than anything I want to spend the next few weeks reconnecting with my family and friends, as the season warrants, before diving into the adventure of the coming year. My only hope for this coming year is to finally have a Home of our own again. We're in a holding pattern right now, with Ryan in Kitchener and me and the kids here, sharing space with his parents. Hopefully we'll see him for the holiday but there are no guarantees. I'm tired of being on the move, of being between places, of being uprooted and replanted and moved again with barely enough nutrients to keep myself going. No matter what the future holds I can't face it with an empty tank. In order to get going again, to regain my momentum, it's time to pause and regroup.