Fat and Not Afraid

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Ain't No Party Like a Dwarf Party

July 9, 2016

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Last night was Ryan's last night in the Sault for a while and unbeknownst to him I had a little surprise planned; a night of table top roleplaying with some of our friends! Unfortunately with the surgery and kid wrangling I had an idea but no energy or time to make an adventure, nevermind create a set of premade characters. Thankfully I have this really great friend who is always chock full of amazing ideas and has the know-how to make them happen! When I approached Nathan to build me a one-shot campaign he was happy to do it and from a couple of simple questions he created an 11 page PDF file for a Pathfinder RPG adventure, complete with four fully finished PCs, baddies and a map, in well under a week. A million thank yous to him; everyone had a GREAT time.

  The story began in birthday fashion, with Rammet Granitefist, level 4 dwarven monk, partying it up with several dozen of his closest dwarven friends and family when suddenly the ale and wench of honour are stolen by a band of Dreadtooth orcs! Desiring revenge against Rammet for the defeat and death of their father, the four Dreadtooth orcs crashed the party and disappeared into a partially built and wholly abandoned building nearby. This kind of insult couldn't be allowed to pass, plus they were out of booze, so Rammet, Slag Onyxhammer the Slammer (sledgehammer wielding fighter), Stave Slatebeard the Sly Sorceror and Listende Quartzdagger the Nimble set gamely off with a crowd of drunken countrymen to cheer them on.

The front entrance to what might have been a beautifully constructed dwarven home held a quartet of Orcish attack dogs but once the group got a few rolls under their belts (and I put my own d20 away because it crit-attacked Ryan twice) they dispatched the ugly beasts handily. The next room was a large foyer but had been marred by a deep sinkhole; only some boards stretched along the sides and across the gap to afford passage. Rammet simply slid down the side and landed safely, thanks to his monkish training, and immediately started looking for rope. fight scene

Ryan has always been a HUGE fan of Jackie Chan and kung fu movies, and Nathan asked me what his favourite class was, so the dungeon and character were specifically designed so that Ryan would have many chances to shine. This was only the first. Finding some slimy rope and a busted shovel, he quickly created a way up the far side and waited for the party to join him. Overhead, Listende and Stave moved nimbly over the boards but poor Slag knew a single footstep would send him plunging painfully down into the muck so he simply sat on his bottom and rolled down to a mostly safe stop. 

Listende wasn't content leaving a single door unopened so she continued across another set of boards and picked the lock on a well constructed wooden door; peering inside she discovered a well appointed boudoir. Orcish portraits hung on the walls, beautifully painted vases sat on pedestals, even a piano graced the room though how the orcs got it in there was anyone's guess! Rammet joined her while Slag made his very slow and hilarious way to the top of the rope Rammet had thrown into a southern hallway. Stave was undecided and remained where he was. 

Upon entering the boudoir fully, a most beautiful Orc rose from the chaise in the center of the room where he had been reclining. This Orc was too gorgeous for words and for a moment the party was reluctant to attack. However, he rose from his chaise yelled "Prepare to die, dirtbeards!" and attacked. Rammet was not caught off guard and overcame his desire not to mar that perfect face with a far stronger Dwarven desire to absolutely mess that pretty face and threw a vase at it. Listende maneuvered into position for a serious sneak attack while the first of the four Dreadtooth brothers slapped Rammet a sickening blow across the face. He retaliated by wrapping the smelly, slimy rope he'd found in the bottom of the sinkhole around the Orc and falling backwards into said hole; the tied up Orc fell in and broke his neck.

From across the way, Stave and Slagg watched him fall and gave a cheer, Slag finishing up urinating down into the hole he'd just finished climbing out of. "Take that, ya stupid hole!" A hop, skip and more climbing later, the two Dwarves joined Rammet and Listende in the boudoir where they found a magical mirror holding Rammet's buxom wench hostage. Unable to decipher her motions and warned against breaking the mirror, the party continued into a northern passage. A not too subtle pit trap was easily discovered and the piano from the ajoining room was quickly dropped in to cover the disease ridden spikes at the bottom. The noise from the ridiculously loud crash, however, grabbed the attention of some Orcs in the next room over, and a chant went up from what sounded like hundreds of throats.

Mere seconds later the door separating the party from the horde burst open and the grunts of the Dreadtooth clanned attempted to pour out into the narrow hallway. Hampered by the doorway and all their badass Mad Max-esque gear, they gave Stave a nice clear shot for a widely spraying acid attack. Momentarily stalled, Slag leapt into the fray and did what he does best; he clove through the lesser Orcs as a thresher at harvest time, though with far messier results thanks to his sledgehammer. After his assault the few remaining Orcs turned and fled, screaming that another of the Dreadtooth brothers had arrived. The party was then faced by two bad-ass looking Orc elite guards and ... Chicken Boo.

For those of you unfamiliar with the 90s cartoon Animaniacs, I present the following:

Rammet and Listende made their will saves and the chicken was summarily thrown out of the dungeon by his own guards.

After that, an exploding barrel trap and some chit-chitty-chat-chat with the eldest Dreadtooth brother, Earl, the final battle began in earnest. Rammet was challenged to single, barehanded combat and eagerly accepted, using his monkish training and Jackie Chan tendancies to quickly overwhelm his opponent with the steel rings of the exploded barrel, the rope and sticks and his own hands and feet. Earl fought to the best of his ability but even his hidden archers couldn't stop the Dwarves from decimating their foe.

We ran out of time at that point and decided to call it a night, having had a lot of laughs and giving Ryan a memorable birthday night. Thanks again to everyone who made it out and especially to Nathan for all his hard work.

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