Fat and Not Afraid

Respect and love are for EVERY body.

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Bikini Season

March 14, 2010

Huzzah! I'm no longer locked out of my own account.  That's what I get for writing down the password and forgetting where I put it.

A little while back, maybe a few months or so, I stumbled upon this great little site and author/artist Elizabeth Patch.  Elizabeth's goal is to draw big, beautiful women living their lives joyfully, pairing the drawings with short written peices that emphasize the positive message of the images.  I won a copy of her book "More to Love" shortly after finding her site and I love it.  The illustrations are bright and colourful and done in Elizabeth's obviously unique style.  While all of the women in the pictures are big, there IS a range of sizes, from 'small fat' (like me!) to much larger.  I like that a lot as she is able to recognize that the 'fat majority', as she calls it, isn't just DEATHFAT but a lot of sizes.  There's even an illustration of a baby, mom and grandma that calls attention to our genetic predisposition towards being fat.  There are fat women skating, eating ice cream, gardening, running business meetings, chatting with friends, shopping, rockin' out on stage, admiring art, and being sexy. 

Today over at her sketchblog she has a great post up about bikini season coming (aaaaaah!) and finding her bathing suit.  There's only picture of me in existence in a bikini and it's from when I was in my mid-teens and working up north for the summer.  There's a reason it's the only picture; I haven't worn one since!  That was pre-baby Jen, pre-university Jen, probably me in my Prime (tm).  I stick to one pieces now, though I long to return to a bikini.  My boobs are uneven, my belly sags thanks to my c-section and though the scar is low, I dread anyone ever seeing it but the husband.  Summer time is the time when women are on display the most; we can't hide behind bulky coats, scarves and hats anymore.  We're out there and I never know quite how to feel about that.  The bikinis and other bathing suits are out there too, and with them comes my seemingly inevitable desire to want to wear one again.  Unfortunately, I don't think I'm far enough along on my self-acceptance and self-confidence journey to get into one and actually wear it somewhere public.  If it was just me and the hubby, maybe.  Us and very close friends, sure.  Out at the beach?  No way.  I'll get there someday though (I hope).

Elizabeth makes the great point though, that it's our EXPERIENCES, not our APPEARANCES, that matter.  Our experiences are what create memories and friendships, among other beautiful and positive things, that will last a lot longer than one good hair day or bikini day at the beach.

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