School is keeping me really busy; it's my final year and there are a lot of individual projects. Still no luck finding a job and hubby just lost his so we're feeling a little glum here. However! On a bright note, yesterday was my son's fourth birthday. He was born after 22 hours of hard back-labour (so head down but facing up/star gazing) and then a c-section. He was 8lbs, 11oz and over a foot long. Recovery was long and difficult for me but Gabe thrived. He slept and ate like a champ (once we got breast feeding figured out!) and was full of smiles when he wasn't full of gas. I miss his rolls of baby fat; on his ankles, his wrists, his chubby cheeks, his round belly. The old wisdom of a fat baby is a happy baby shouldn't be ignored; fat babies resist illness and recover from injury so much faster than underweight or premature babies. There's a reason why in many culture a blessing on a couple is for fat babies. Anyway; Now he's nearly four feet tall already and lean as a whip, just like his daddy. He was sooo chubby up until he started walking and then the change over the next year or so was remarkable. The whole four years since the day of his birth has been amazing; I look back at how far he's come and how much he's learned and it almost takes my breath away. I think Mother Nature does us a favour by blurring the bad times and showing into sharp relief the good times, when we take time to remember them.
What can I say you haven't heard a hundred times a day? I love you, I'm so proud of you, you're such a good boy. I know the times you've fallen and hurt yourself weren't intentional, that you weren't trying to scare the daylights out of me, that when you say "I'm angry!" and stomp off to your room it's alright and to give you peace, I know that you are trying to hard every day to make sense of your world, the rules and routines, how BIG it is, and that sometimes it's overwhelming. Quiet times together snuggling and reading are my favorites, they remind me of when you were just a tiny baby and you needed me for everything. Now, not so much. Today you left me at the edge of the school yard and joined another mom and her kids going up to the school as the bell rang. You needed a little coaxing to let go of my hand, but that too will pass. Every day we dance around each other, wondering "How much does s/he need me?" and every day you need me less and less and less but I will always be there, right behind you, quietly off to one side. There will never be a day where we don't love each other, you can be sure of that. You can always count on me and your dad for whatever you need, no matter how big you get, no matter how big a mistake is, no matter how far you go. (Oh the thought of you leaving someday for the big wide world scares me! But it will happen some time...) Thankfully we still have lots of time together. Thank you for all you've taught me; of patience especially, but also of true, boundless love.
Happy Birthday, honey-bun. xoxox