Fat and Not Afraid

Respect and love are for EVERY body.

header photo

Confidence in my Pocket

November 7, 2011

((My sincere apologies for not getting Carolyn's post up on time! Happy Monday, folks!))

I have an appointment with the Rheumatologist in January, but I am so apprehensive.  I have been spoiled for the last 3 years by having a doctor who treated me as a respectable individual, regardless of my size.  Now I have to go to a new doctor and I am worried about how the appointment will go.

I was thinking about this issue and some of the preposterousness struck me.  I often hear the unending chorus for people saying how “fatties are such a drain on the system!” and “fatties don’t take care of their health!” blah blah. . .you know the drill.    The thing is most of my medical expenses have been paid out of my own pocket.  I have been a student for 3 of the last 5 years, so no medical insurance.  I have years and years of medical history, where I have been searching, pleading, begging doctors to help me find out what’s wrong with me. And they say “eat less, exercise more.”  I spent 2 years paying out of pocket for nutrition counseling with Michelle @ The Fat Nutritionist (side note: best thing I have ever done in my life!)  I've spent roughly $45,000 out of pocket over the last 7 years on mental health counseling, to make sure that any depression or PTSD was not a psycho-somatic cause of my health problems.

Now I’m not laying this all out as a “poor me”, my life is so hard speech.  It’s just that I find it frustrating (as I’m sure many readers do as well), to be categorized and dismissed based on how I look; especially when no one has any understanding of how my chronic health problems interact with my weight in the first place.  Has anyone come up for a cure to turn people with Cushing’s disease into svelte super models? Oh you haven’t? Yeah that’s what I thought.

I am actually lucky to have a supportive husband who has worked and helped support me while I am in school and who has also helped me pay for my medical bills previously.  In this respect I am actually better off than some.  But it makes me wonder, would I have had to spend this much money had I not been fat?

Recently, a friend disclosed to me that one of her friends was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia.   The other friend, who is a fibromite, is barely 20 years old.  I found myself saying “Wow! How unusual! The average is something like 12 years to get diagnosed!”  My friend looked at me (and she is very FA conscious) and said “well, she’s not fat.”  I knew exactly what she meant.  Her friend’s pain/illness was more easily spotted because the doctor was distracted by their exterior.  I am somewhat scared to go back and figure out how much 15 years of misdiagnosis has actually cost me; not even counting the things like quality of life that you can’t really put a monetary value on.

I do think I have an advantage now though, versus when I first began dealing with this and had no idea about body acceptance, and that is that I absolutely, positively, flat out refuse to sit and listen to a doctor give me the ELMM diagnosis, and I have zero qualms about going to the office manager and letting them know that I will not be paying for a visit that was completely useless to me.  I'm really hoping that won't be the case. But at least I have that confidence in my back pocket!

Go Back

Comments for this post have been disabled.