Fat and Not Afraid

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Hurry Up & Grow Up: Taboo Carnival Post

November 27, 2012
The Taboo Carnival
Welcome to the Taboo Carnival. Our topic this Fall is I LOVE YOU BUT I DON’T ALWAYS LIKE YOU! This post was written for inclusion in the quarterly Taboo Carnival hosted by Momma Jorje and Hybrid Rasta Mama. This month our participants reflect on the concept of loving versus liking our children and their behaviors. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

As I've written before
it's taken me a long time to learn to like being a parent. I feel that with Katherine I've been given a third chance to get it right, to do better, to allow myself to love deeply and unconditionally, and to mess up and try again. Today's post is a look at something taboo in parenting; the desire for your kid grow up.

My son, Gabriel, is now six years old and a busy, curious, stubborn, kind and often frustrating boy. He chaffes under the restrictions of being only six and is in a big hurry to grow up. Sometimes I wish he would. Some mornings I wish he was big enough to walk himself to school. Some nights I wish he would just go to sleep without needing to be herded through the nightly routine of brushing teeth, pajamas, story and 'snuggle buggles', which is our term for being tucked in. It comes from my mother, who used to tuck me in 'as snug as a bug in a rug'. It became shortened to me snuggling Gabe in and saying 'snuggle buggles!' and making him laugh, and the term just stuck.

Most of the time I love that Gabe is little but sometimes I don't. Some days playing the same game for the 10th time is wearing. Constantly having to remind him of his please and thank-yous is frustrating. Balancing him with his sister and the house isn't easy and I'm ashamed to admit I really love that he's in school all day; I dread long weekends and holidays because it means he's home so much more. The time after school until Ryan gets off work is the most trying, especially now with the terrible weather which means we can't stay at the park and play like we were before the rain came.

I get it now why my parents weren't keen on babysitting when we were still living back East, why my mom laughed when I offered her extra baby stuff to keep at the house incase Gabe slept over, their reluctance to take time out of their lives and essentially be parents again, even just sometimes. My dad explained it to me once but I didn't get it until just recently with Katherine's birth. He and my mom are nearly sixty, and they've spent their whole lives until Wendy and I moved out (about 10 years ago now since I left) doing everything I'm doing, and more. This is *their* time now, their time to be together in a way they haven't been able to do since my sister was born, to hang out with their friends, to go four-wheeling, have pot-luck parties and travel to Mexico or Costa Rica. To do nothing or anything whenever they want. They've done their duty and done it well in raising me and my sister.

I get it, I really do, because now I'm looking forward sometimes to having Ryan all to myself, or just ME all to myself. To do nothing or go visit or whatever and not have to worry about someone else's time table. To be free in a way that I was before the kids were born but I didn't appreciate then. It's taken a while but I enjoy being a parent and I'm grateful every day to be here and to do this marvelous thing, especially since Katherine's birth put a lot of things into perspective. Still, some days, some times, I look forward to when Gabe and Kat are independent beings in their own right, with homes of their own. I'm careful though not to look forward too much so as to not miss the present.



Visit Momma Jorje and Hybrid Rasta Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Taboo Carnival! Enjoy the posts from this month’s Carnival participants!

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