Fat and Not Afraid

Respect and love are for EVERY body.

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I know what a calorie is!

March 3, 2010

I'm well aware of the idea 'calories in, calories out'.  It's a basic law of thermodynamics that energy can not be destroyed, only changes form.  That's cool.  But do a lot of people who harp on fat people about 'calories in, calories out' actually KNOW what a calorie IS?  Are they aware that it's just a unit of measurement for the energy in a food?  That's it.  A calorie is a piece of energy.  I think this is kinda nifty as, in a much larger view of things, that piece of energy might have once been part of a star, or a dinosaur, or a raindrop in a hurricane.  Energy IS life.  And calories? They're food energy.  Bring it on.

While talking with a friend on facebook right now who's dieting, I looked up the supposed caloric intake for a woman to maintain her weight. It's 1200/day. For men, it's 1800. <--- numbers behind the white so it's not triggering. For me, however, based on my height and weight and activity level (none, thanks to my desk job of being a student), it's much higher: 1866/day.

It's good to know if the food you're eating is actually giving you energy and in what form (or at least I think it's good to know). This is why I don't eat cookies for breakfast or Lucky Charms or anything high in sugar. Sure, the calories are there but in an hour or so once that's all been used, my blood sugar crashes and I am one cranky person. When I was in highschool and drinking slim fast for breakfast (110 calories per serving scoop), I'd be on my ass by lunchtime, SO HUNGRY. If I had another shake for lunch, only another 110 calories, by the time school was over I was missing almost 800 calories of energy to do my schoolwork, pay attention, go to band practise, etc. Dinner wasn't until 5:30 or so and I remember getting home from school and being ravenous. I'd make a peanut butter sandwich and then just wait. Guess where a lot of the calories in Slim Fast comes from? Sugar. I can't help but wonder if my attempts at dieting in highschool, short as they lasted, contributed to my blood sugar problems now?
I don't know where I was going with this, just putting it out there I suppose.  Both my grandma and grandpa on my dad's side have/had diabetes and I really worry that I'll end up diabetic too.  I saw what it did to my grandpa at the end, the blood bloated toes, the enormous calves and ankles, how much pain he was in.  He wasn't taking very good care of himself because  he was too worried about grandma, so I know not all diabetics are like this.  My personal experience and my family is not the rule of life.  But, because it's my family, my genetics, my inheritance, I worry.
So I don't diet.  I don't count calories or grams of fat.  I eat and snack as much as I need too to keep going every day.  Some days it's more than others, some days it's less.  I enjoy my food but should probably quit eating infront of a book or computer.  I should probably stop sitting on my ass so much and see what this body of mine is capable of.  If there's ever a zombie apocalypse I'm in big trouble.  (Rule 1: Cardio: This one comes up in Zombieland and clearly makes alot of sense. How many fat people unfit people do you see at the end of the world when its zombies doing the ending?Here's another thing:  I *want* to work out simply because I love to move my body and would like to see what it's capable of if I really pushed it, but honestly, I'm afraid too. I'm afraid to fail, I'm afraid that even if I do start working out I wont see a difference, but then, why would I be looking for a difference, visually? I would be. I can tell myself that "Yeah, I just want to be able to run a mile or climb a rope or go hiking all day" but in my secret heart of hearts, I want to look fit. And hell, I'm not even that fat. I'm a 'small fat'. I have just contradicted myself. I don't work out because I'm afraid that I wont get better looking. So I don't work out. BLAH. I accept me 99% of the time. Today is the 1% day.  Or maybe it's every day but I'm better at supressing it.  

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