It's a compliment, of course. I'm home from teacher's college and hanging out with some friends last night for a D&D session and an old, very good friend of mine sees me standing in the doorframe, arms up, kinda hangin' there. I get a once-over and then "Jen! You've lost weight!" *happy smiles*
Me: I have? Um, haven't noticed. If I have it's because I haven't been eating right. I had a couple of convos with my mom while I was gone that began with me telling her I had a sandwhich for dinner that resulted in her lecturing me on eating healthy. Did I mention she's freaked I'm going to get H1N1? Yeah."
I'm trying not to pay any attention to my weight. I'm trying to just not care anymore. I haven't owned a scale since I moved out of my parents' place 6 years ago. When I visit, I can finally resist the temptation to stand on theirs. Same with at my sister's. Thankfully my inlaws don't own one. Being away at school, I only bought food I like and that I wanted to eat; garlic stuffed olives, asiago cheese, breton crackers with basil and olive oil, bagels galore, cream cheese (hand made at the bakery! SO GOOD), fresh deli meat and I made my own bread in the breadmaker. I'd wander over to the gas station/Robin's Doughnuts every week and grab a bag of chips to munch on while watching Grey's Anatomy and doing homework. It'd take me a few days to get through the bag and then I'd go get another one. A sale? Two at a time. NOM. Chips and I are very good friends.
After Hallowe'en, I did a bit of an experiment; my landlord gave me his leftover Hallowe'en candy which I piled on my desk. Kate Harding made a great post back in August of 2007 I remember well about "Devouring the World" http://kateharding.net/2007/08/03/devouring-the-world/ that I decided to try. The chocolate bars sat on my desk for a few days before I decided I wanted one. I had one. It was an O'Henry! and it was pretty good. You can't really go wrong with chocolate, peanuts, and caramel. Did I have six more? No. I had one more and was happy. A few years ago I'd probably have eaten six more but I'm definitely NOT the me I was a few years ago, hell no and not even close. My landlord gave me some pumpkin tarts he made out of our jack-o-lanterns and I put them in the fridge and forgot about them completely until he asked for the plate back. I ate the pie he brought me though, and it was ok. Would've been better if it wasn't mushy on the bottom and had dream-whip.
When left to my own devices, without any pressure from media or family to look a certain way or eat a certain way, I take better care of myself. I practise intuitive eating and remember that yeah, I'm healthy at my size. I've got no complaints and my body does what I ask it too when I need it too. Laying down on hard surfaces like the gym floor or a concrete bench messes up my back right quick, but that's thanks to falling off a horse and then later picking up a heavy box wrong, not thanks to my fat. Cuddling my husband earlier today I made mention somehow of my softness and he said "I love your softness." I love him for that (among a lot of other things).
So yes, I might've lost a little weight while away at school; maybe I wasn't eating right, or enough, or maybe I was and my body's set point is lower than I realized. I've been 10lbs or so heavier since the small-man was born. Maybe I'm slowly going back there without any real effort on my part. Maybe its' none of the above. Maybe it's all of the above. But really? I don't care.