Fat and Not Afraid

Respect and love are for EVERY body.

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Four inches?!

February 11, 2013

Hi again everyone! Sorry for the blackout last week-Ryan was in Victoria and had my laptop so I was unable to update. It's good to be back and thanks to everyone who's been checking in, leaving comments and has entered the bellydance dvd giveaway. Onwards!

It appears this post-pregnancy body still has some surprises in store for me and as always these are steps along the body acceptance journey. They're not steps that are easy for me to take, however, as I hate change (hello, I'm a Taurean) and don't adapt to anything that easily. Case in point-my boobs. Before Kat's birth I was a 42 DDD (dun dun DUN! as my sister said bra shopping with me that day) and wearing bras I'd bought from Addition-Elle. Since her delivery I've been noticing everything getting baggier; underwear, pants, shirts and yes, even my bras. Despite all the cow-impressions I've been doing, and there've been a LOT, my boobs have been getting smaller and smaller (and flabbier and flatter). As you can probably tell, I'm not OK with this.

Last week I was up at the mall dropping some film and I saw a sale on at La Senza. For kicks I went in and got a fitting, seeing as how their bras were on buy one, get one half off, and I knew my old bras didn't fit anymore. Well imagine my shock when she told me I'm a 38 D now. That's a loss of two cups and four inches. It *feels* like a loss. Is it possible to mourn your boobs? I mean, I still have them and I'm thankful for that with the history of breast cancer in my family, but damn. A huge part of my identity is wrapped up in my boobs. I'm more upset at their slow but steady diminishing than I am over having my tubes tied and being unable to have more kids. This is probably in part tied to the visual aspect; nooone knows about my surgery unless I tell them, but everyone who sees the before and after pics of me can see straight away the difference.

I feel less feminine, less womanly. I feel used up and dried out, like a camel who's hump is empty. Floppy. Flaccid. Ugly.

Baby steps will get me through this. What do you recommend?


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